Wee Jamie Bryson has thrown his hat in the ring for the 2014 European elections - so the failed hunger striker tells Alex Kane.

All at the LAD bunker wish him every success, we really do.  If he does get elected, he may learn how the real world works and also how insignificant Are Wee Country is in the grand scheme of Europe.  Unfortunately, it probably won't bestow upon him some grown up views.

It would seem Bryson thinks the European parliament is a bit like a council chamber and that he can bring about wholesale change for the Pravince of Ulster's Pradisdent Unionist Loyalist People (PULP), that well known ethnic minority which is denied access to basic human rights such as free health care, free speech, free education and clean drinking water. The list goes on and on but the most basic of those human rights, the right to march anywhere and anytime, is being denied Mr Bryson and the PULP, just as it is being to denied millions across the world.  LAD has discovered the UN itself is looking into the matter (meanwhile, North Korea publicly executes 80 people for allegedly watching TV).

Jamie's BFF (that's the kids speak these days) Wullie Frazer will be assisting in Bryson's Euro campaign while standing for election himself in Newtownards.  Frazer and Bryson will be drawing on considerable collective experience in seeking a mandate which has failed to bring anything close to success thus far. Residents of Newtownards will be thrilled to learn that Markethill man Frazer, wants to represent them.

Bryson-Frazer Campaign Bus
LAD wonders if Bryson will be funding his own £5000 deposit for the election?  We're not sure what the going rate is for a PULP mouthpiece these days or the type of funding an independent candidate can accumulate.  Given that previous turnouts in Euro elections in Are Wee Country fall between five and six hundred thousand, if that is repeated in 2014 Bryson will need to poll over 13,000 votes to avoid losing his deposit.  Are Bryson's academic friends helping out as part of some bizarre experiment in validity?  One website offering advice to would be independent EU candidates, states that the cost of running a campaign are huge, spending limits ranging from £270,000 - £360,000.

Maybe with Are Glorious Loyal Pravince operating outwith the boundaries of rational politics, this figure can be ignored.  One thing that can't be though, is that an independent candidate has never been directly elected to the European parliament from the UK.  So it may be more worthwhile sticking a tenner on an accumulator picked by Willie Frazer's nasal hair.

All at LAD, as do many others across Are Pravince, look forward to seeing Jamie's manifesto.  It will undoubtedly cover the Common Agricultural Policy fairly comprehensively, given how pivotal farming is to the local economy. Other highlights we'd expect to see must surely be Horizon 2020, UK government opt out of EU justice and home affairs decisions, and PEACE funding.  Won't it?

LAD are also interested to know which of the seven political groupings within the European parliament Mr Bryson plans on affiliating with, or would he do the righteous thing and become a (Non-Inscrit) NI, literally?

Who exactly does Bryson expect to vote  for him?

No doubt he can draw support from his friends in "legal circles" having acted as 'legal adviser' to disgraced former BNP fund raiser and ousted Protestant Coalition chief  Jim (Dodgy) Dowson back in July.

Bryson's legal speciality is of course in dealing with civil rights abuses and surely he can count on support from Northern Ireland's Jewish community thanks to his in depth knowledge of 1930's Nazi persecution.

Perhaps Bryson is hoping for support from members and former members of the UVF having claimed on Twitter that the outlawed organisation were not terrorists.

 As Alex Kane rightly commented "Try telling that to their victims and the families of their victims."

So what is Bryson's raison d'être; He doesn't seriously expect to get elected so is this just another  shameless self-publicity stunt? 

What do you think?

Jamie Bryson flanked by members of the Protestant Coalition (l-r: Sam (So It Is) McCrory, baldy bloke1, baldy bloke 2, Wee Willie Frazer, Bill (Umbrellas) Hill, Bryson and Jim (Dodgy) Dowson (retired)