"My hair's better than your hair " the true reason behind the NI21 fallout

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GUEST BLOG

This is a guest post by Belfast's top barber

Paul Stafford

"The random musings of a hairdresser, not a salon!"

Follow Paul on Twitter @PaulStafford12




And so the ongoing saga behind the scenes at NI21 "headquarters " lingers on; bitching, backstabbing , rumours ...... and bad hair.

Can it be that NI21 leader Basil McCrea and deputy leader John McCallister have had their very public falling out over who has the better haircut  as sources very close their the "root" of the issue claim?

That Mr McCallister was said to be "hair envious" of Mr McCrea's floppy school boyish lustrous locks; so much so that he has been heard to utter the words "aye, him and his Peter Beardsley hairdo".

Basil McCrea 'lustrous'
Indeed the attacks have taken their toll on Basil's barnet as it now appears void of its former fullness and pomp and appears a little limp and tired. A reflection perhaps of his leadership itself. Mr McCallister even questioned whether Basil had abused his leadership responsibilities by appearing to over indulge himself in expensive volumising hair products so he would appear taller than his deputy in Public. Obviously Basil denies this insisting he's a wash and leave , er sorry go .... man.

But in a new twist to the hair wars Basil has hit back suggesting that it all started when they were both at home one morning watching their favourite TV programme "Mr Tumble ' and casually suggested that there was strong likeness between the children's TV Star and Mr McCallister ..... especially their similar looking cuddly child friendly haircuts. Needless to say relations have been strained ever since .

John McCallister takes a Tumble
The real question here is where do they go from here?

Obviously a "parting " of they ways is final, with few "highlights " to look back on.

But if history has taught us a thing or two about power , these two men will struggle ....

You only have to look at Mr Paisleys pristine quiff;

Elvis Paisley
Mr Adams early 70s Bee Gees Bouffant;

Bee Geesus

Even Martin McGuinness donned a Sly and the Family Stone style Afro on his road to Deputy First Minister;

Marty McSly & The Family Stone
And Peter Robinson a man who doesn't have his sorrows to seek with his wire brush barnet so often stuck in the "Evil Philip Schofield" style, still has a head of hair most men his age would envy .....

Evil Phillip Schofield
It is not bickering amongst themselves over whose "do " is "done" but to look over their shoulders at the great hair heroes of Stormont and reflect on the "condition " they now find themselves in .....


About the author:
PAUL STAFFORD IS QUITE HANDY WITH THE OLD SCISSORS AND HAS WON THE ODD AWARD OR TWO

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Stormont is Shit.

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Unbelievably, the staffers at LAD stopped drinking for long enough to suffer an alarming moment of collective clarity.  The most disturbing result of this was an unwelcome sense of awareness which suggested sobriety was not to be embraced and after much heated debate, the Skol was flowing once again.

Quality peeve as endorsed by LAD
During this time of abstinence however, some things were written down which could almost be deemed to have origins in coherent thought.  The general theme of this material had a tone of discontent.  Mostly along the lines of what is wrong with Narnarn politics?

We constantly hear Arnold Foster harping on about what a great place Narnarn is to invest in and how golf courses and the Titanic legacy will drive our economy from strength to strength.  Okay, perhaps that's a bit flippant but beyond being photographed holding things, you could be forgiven for thinking that is at times, Arnold's economic strategy.  Similarly, the First Minister (FM) and deputy First Minister (dFM) fly around the world telling everyone how great things are in this little place of ours and that Narnarn is the place to be; we have the skills, the infrastructure, the technology.  Yes, we have it all,  except a working government and politicians who are genuinely interested in moving forward.


Golf will save us all!
Our politicians are charged with dragging us into the future but we are all suffering at the hands of an Executive that is inept and barely, if at all, fit for purpose.  Even the FM and dFM can't agree if the Executive is working or not, but the proof is surely there for all to see, with a near total lack of Executive business being debated (a generous term) within the Assembly.  The majority of the electorate seem more keen to move on than those we have elected.
Whatabouterye big mawn?
For any political novices out there, our devolved government is the Executive, the work of which is scrutinised by the legislature, in our case the Assembly (you may be forgiven for being unaware of such, given that the media generally treat the two as a single entity called Stormont).  That is what should happen but at present the Executive is suffering a case of legislative constipation which leaves the Assembly struggling to create business and on watching recent debate, you could be forgiven for thinking you have mistakenly tuned into a town council meeting.

There is much comment regarding voter apathy and perhaps some of this could be explained by looking at the demographic of our MLAs.  Over 80% of members are male, with an average age of 53.  The female contingent of just 21 MLAs has an average age of 44, which brings the overall average down to a respectable 51.  The oldest MLA is 73, the youngest just 22, which is perhaps too young in terms of life experience but nonetheless, is a positive step in attempting to gain interest of younger voters.  That's a simplistic view but as moderate voters see the majority parties pander to a small minority to the detriment of the majority, is it actually worth voting?
The Young Parlimentarians Club
Notably, the two parties with the highest average age, SDLP and UUP are the parties which have endured the biggest losses since devolution.  Perhaps that suggests the more moderate parties are suffering due to a lack of younger representatives or simply arrogance and relying on past victories?  The grey vote has been mentioned in relation to both and this is something the parties need to address if they aren't to fade into obscurity in the very near future.  They hold sway with the middle and upper classes who it seems, are giving up their democratic right.  Given the state of Narnarn politics, is it any wonder?

We're left with extremes, the hard line DUP on one hand and the socialist (far more socialist than the SDLP) Sinn Féin on the other.  Both these parties appeal to polar opposites of the electorate and probably mop up the more moderate voters who feel an 'X' for the UUP or SDLP is wasted vote, yet can still be bothered to vote.  Together, they're meant to be working in a power-sharing partnership and working towards a brighter future for all but that isn't happening.

Despite small glimmers of progress, both parties are generally backward looking, choosing to argue again and again about the past, who is to blame, who is the biggest victim, who was right, who was wrong.  It's the biggest stumbling block to progress but it is also something that cannot be ignored.  A question could be asked about how much emphasis is being placed on the past at the cost of the future, shared or otherwise?
Would the captain go down with this ship?

At the moment, the past is like a chain around our collective neck, it pervades and impedes.  As things stand, we are in no danger of progressing far until agreement is reached on the past.  While MLAs accuse the Victims' Commissioner of failing to define a victim, they seem to forget that they have been unable to agree a definition of victim for years!  Is there a different way to address the needs and legacy of victims without having what must often appear to those looking in, as a victims industry?  It sometimes seems strange that other countries look to us for help on conflict resolution when it could be said we are yet to deal with it properly ourselves.  Is the victims issue holding progress back as a whole and if it is, how could victims be better served?  Another impass at the Executive doesn't help.
Perhaps things will really start to move for Narnarn when the current crop of aging career politicians move on, hopefully to be replaced with younger ones, more closely matching the local demographic, who grew up free of the direct influence of the Troubles and, touch wood, free of the influence of those who seek to retain the status quo; young politicians who want a brighter future for their peers and for future generations and can rise above the whataboutery politics that is hobbling the current political establishment.  Would it be better if the moderate parties rose to prominence once again or is it time for something entirely new?  What is certain is something at the Executive table needs to change soon before the Stormont institutions fail us again.


IF ANY MLAs WOULD LIKE TO RESPOND TO THIS PLEASE CONTACT US
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Northern Ireland's Shame - Not In Our Name

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Remember loyalists smashed up the city centre? Here's a critical reflection on that event. Northern Ireland is a diverse, tolerant and cosmopolitan country. The modern generation - ambitious, well-educated, internationalist and outward looking - have made it this way. But we in Northern Ireland are not truly free. Like James Joyce said 100 years ago, history is the nightmare from which we are trying to awake.

No matter what bone fide efforts are done to better Northern Ireland, the stability and fortune of the province is forever tied to and dependent on the mood of delinquent extremists. Chinless throwbacks always ready to restart the religious wars of the 17th Century that ravaged Europe but still linger here; always ready to plunge us back into chaos; always ready to shame our name.

A jackboot lunatic class who keep the young and ambitious hostage and prisoner to a totalitarian anarchism, fuelled by no more than base ignorance and mindless idealism.

Yes, young people in Northern Ireland aren't truly free. Religiosity and violence has retarded our education system, segregated communities and minds into green and orange, and viciously retarded the economy.

To paraphrase Epictetus the Greek philosopher, only the educated and those with a good job are truly free. Many of the most capable and the most intelligent cannot get a job in Northern Ireland. I despair for them and shed even more despair for the less-capable, less well educated. For they are not truly free. Just as the young, educated middle classes in the Maghreb states, Eastern Europe and Asia are subjugated by autocratic dictators, so it is that the young, educated, middle-class in Northern Ireland are subjugated by "barbaric sectarian leaders" and the feral communities that they play-out to.

2013-08-11-BrianJohnSpencerIanPaisleyNorthernIreland.jpg

But there's an important difference here: The educated middle classes around the world are standing up and saying no. Just read Andrew Sullivan here and Francis Fukuyama here. It's happening: a global middle class uprising. It's real. Except in Northern Ireland it's not. We, the middle class in Northern Ireland, are a stoic, accepting, over-tolerant, fatalistic lot, devoid of critical faculties.

Ready to put-up and shut-up as opposed to stand-up and put-out. But this silence and inactivity can't go on: Delinquent loyalists and republicans cannot be left to shame and defame Northern Ireland. Their shame is Absolutely NOT to be done in my name.

I want to make a few points on how the moderate, ambitious, cosmopolitan classes can push back against the reactionary throwback politicians and street thugs that continually soil the good name of Northern Ireland.

My first point. People in Northern Ireland are well known and reputed for their enduring cynicism and skepticism. A particular condition to the people of Northern Ireland. We pride ourselves on our modesty, our civil tongue and reticence. But Northern Ireland young people need to rid themselves of this tired, old cloak of endless cynicism and skepticism.

This congenital tendency for cynicism is deeply tied down by the traditional Northern Ireland culture that has said "step in line, know your place". But nowadays we live in a changed world: One where opportunities and resources abound. And so we must change our minds to the new world; we must believe we can do anything, anytime and at any age. Mark Zuckerberg didn't need a degree, internship, masters, PhD or apprenticeship to create a multi-million if not billion dollar company in his bedroom.

We can't rely our educators and universities to properly prepare use for the job market for as the Harvard Business Review said, 'Our Future Workforce Is Stuck in a Pattern of Mediocrity.' Young people need to start thinking for themselves, use their initiative and realise they can achieve anything. As Thomas L. Friedman said in the New York Times: 'Need a Job? Invent It'.

We must combat and resist the status quo and the associated tragedy of cynicism; for the cynicism buttresses and reinforces the prison walls that the delinquent classes have erected for functional society in Northern Ireland. As Selwyn Duke said in the American Thinker: "What the cynic mistakes for the walls of his fortress are really the boundaries of his prison."

My second point. We need to look again at what's happening across the Muslim world and the changes bedding down in that land. In the Muslim world the traditional split has been between Sunnis and Shi'ites, a deadly warfare going back 13 centuries.

But alongside this traditional split has emerged the modern societal split: One between theocracy and modernism. Explaining what has and is happening, James Lewis said in the American Thinker:
"Modernism comes up for every Muslim who can turn on the television or surf the web. It is spreading because science and technology are spreading, and secretly, it is undermining the Dark Ages of the Muslim priesthood. People named Mohammed are being indoctrinated in ancient madrassahs against the modern world, but they are also beginning to do first-rate science, and those two belief systems are not compatible. The modern world is now invading even the most medieval minds."

The quote above applies perfectly to the backward looking people and communities of Northern Ireland. Young people all across Northern Ireland are being indoctrinated with haunting bigotry against the modern world. Watch the video below, of young children all in the single-digit age bracket spouting naked bigotry and sectarian cliches which can only have been heard from parents and older family members.


In the face of this we need to spread enlightenment ideals and help to invade and broaden their minds and horizons. We can see how well the broadening of minds has serviced the Muslim world already. It can be done here too.

My third point. We need to study and emulate the anti-communists who liberated Czechslovakia under the banner of the Charter 77 movement. A movement spearheaded by Václav Havel who tore down the lunacy and absurdity of the communist dictatorship without lifting an arm; but through dissent expressed through satire, poetry, irony and humor.

This peaceful dissident campaign can be typified by the W. H. Auden poem, 'The Ogre' which captures both the horror as well as the inherent weakness of that system:

'The ogre does what ogres can, 
Deeds quite impossible for any man,  
But one prize is beyond his reach:  
The ogre can never master speech.

About a subjugated plain, 
Among the suffering and the slain, 
The ogre stalks with hands on hips, 
While drivel gushes from his lips.'


We need the same publicly minded and spirited citizens that coalesced under the Charter 77 movement. The same brave and responsible citizens of Czechoslovakia that showed the naked and corrupt power structure.

We too in Northern Ireland need freedom from the ever present tyranny of loyalist and republican ogres who impose a way of life that is totally unacceptable to functional 21st Century life.

To conclude. What we saw of Northern Ireland on televisions across the world was the doings of the backward forces of pre-history. These people do not represent majority Northern Ireland. These people represent the worst in society. Yet they do it time after time after time after time. The same stupid, narrow, shortsighted minority fighting their stupid but vicious, venal and venomous turf war.

It will never end if we let them behave like this. So we must stand-up, put-out and battle for tolerance, just as other subjugated, non-free young people are doing the world over.


[This was written by Brian John Spencer and originally published on The Huffington Post UK]
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