Willie goes to the poles

Theres that manys good dacent Ulster folk has bin sayin till me this last brave wile, Willie, wud ye not slow down for you’re health, all this giving yerself to the victims 24 7 must be taking its tole, that I took there advice and went aff till Bundoran with the wife for a few days R and R, at laist that was the plan. But shure it didn’t take the Provies long getting wind ave it, two bhoys grabbed me coming out of the bingo and tole me if i didn’t fack aff back till the north my number wud come up. Well folks so much for a united Ireland, if this is the way they treet Protestants in the Free State – witch it is, worse than taigues. So we had a big feed of stake and a few pints and drove back up till Ulster on four flat tyres that are now sitting pretty on the boney hear in Markethill wich is alreaddy one of the biggest in are wee counrty. Well that’s the last time youse’ll catch me on holiday on the free State, in fact I was only there in the furst place cos the wife has a bank account in thon wee vipers laire by the sea where she keeps the money she wins on the one arm bandits.

Well I was no sooner back home when the word was got to me that Jamie Bryson is after trying to move in on me. I has been fighting for the victims of terrorism since thon wee scrote was in nappys and I stood in a number of elections on there behalve, one time I got near on 15000 votes witch is about 140000 more than Jamie got the time he stood. I was only abroad less than 24 hours and the sly wee dog has anownced he is standing for the europian elections. I dowt Jamie wud even know how to find Libya on a map for he wudn’t be the smartest thogh his mummy is one luvely lady fair play to him. I wish Jamie well thogh theres plenty of the victims families has been ringing me to say he is only a jonny cum lastly. I have no intention of splitting the loyalist vote so I will give him backing if he agrees to restore the funding to FAIR if he is elected MP. Witch he wont be, cos he is impressing no one apart from a few wee durt birds up in Belfast. Where was wee Jamie hiding when the IRA was lining up Protestants at the roadside and shooting them down like dogs? Shure he wudn’t know the furst thing about it – who does he think he is, superprod.

I was going to stand for the elections myself down in Newtonhamilton for the people down there wanted me to stand up agin the shiners down in Newry but there is to many ilietrite roman catholics working in the electrical office these days, I got a letter saying I’m a candidate in Newtonards. Shure I was only there the once for a band parade and a luvely place it is too but there is not to many folk there wud know me and one other thing worries me there is not enogh victims. But my phone has been inandated with a flood of phone calls from well wishers wishing me well so I’m going to go ahead and stand – it will keep me from under the wifes feet and it will also teach thon jellous wee scrote Bryson a lesson if I get more votes than him, sure Newtonards is more or less his back yard and it is being over run with the polish gipsys, homos, fenians and the like. I wud ask youse all to dip you’re hand in you’re pockets and give genrously to my battle fund, I will need every penny to smash Shame Fein IRA and stick up for the dacent law abiding people of Newtonards. I also accept euros two.

No surrender

Wm Frazer.