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| Dancing to Peter Robinson's tune |
LAD cannot be fooled though and we set out to proove the LundyUP is only pretending to act like hardline nutjobs and already, our Britishness is been sold down the river.
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| General Willie Frazer of the First Infantry Balloons |
Flegs
- Lamp posts are to be removed from all areas displaying higher than acceptable levels of loyalism, acceptable to be decided by publican Shin Fane IRA.
- New designated days planned by publican Shin Fane IRA mean are fleg will only be flow on 1 day a year only on the flegpole in Holywood
- A new Nornarn fleg will be designed by publican Shin Fane IRA (we all know what that means)
- Kerbstones will be removed from all areas of Northern British Ireland
- The parades commission will be replaced by a new body called publican Shin Fane IRA.
- British loyalist parades can only take place on payment of a €50 million bond (non refundable)
- Bed push parades will be made illegal, carrying a custodial sentence for participants of not less than 5 years
- The most glorious 12th of July may only be celebrated in East Belfast
- Culchie lodges are not permitted to mix with Belfast lodges
- Bandsmen who provide a positive alcohol breath test will not be permitted to join a parade
- A new body will replace the HET and investigate only crimes that involved British security forces or loyal defenders of Ulster.
- The Past will be dealt with by a Dealing With The Past department allowing society to progress
- Any MLA who has been in office for more than 5 years will be consigned to the past to allow society to progress
- The TUV will be consigned to the past where it belongs
LAD have awarded General Frazer a special medal in recognition of the bravery and cunning he displayed in getting Lundy Jeffrey Donaldson to spill the beans. Our High Command are now constructing a cunning plan in order to prevent any of these disgraceful proposals chipping any more British off our Britishnessness. As our British hero, Judge Jim (I am the law) Allister says: any more chipping and there will be no more chips left. Without chips, there can be no chip shaps. This cannot be allowed!
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| Wee Willie on manouvres |
No surrender, the Queen and Ulster.
Loyalists Against Democracy (LAD), myself and others in the public sphere are regularly reproached for making fun of illiteracy, bad spelling and linguistic mishaps. I'm regularly rebuffed as a "snob". A charge I reject and have responded to here and here.
Those who are "mocked" for bad spelling and for poor grammar have committed unpardonable and intolerable acts. They do not hold special privilege in society. They are not beyond criticism. When they commit gratuitous and promiscuous criminality they inflict social and economic misery across the whole of Belfast and the whole of Northern Ireland. By these acts they wield arbitrary power over a moderate majority.
In what name and for what cause do loyalists commit these unpardonable acts? They say that Sinn Fein are "chipping away at our culture?" and say that people are trying to wipe out protestants. As I've said before, these are grand claims. And here's my main point: grand claims cannot go unchallenged. Arbitrary power cannot go unchallenged.
One way in which arbitrary power and grand claims have to be challenged is in the most basic form - by their linguistic presentation. Including by their grammar and by their spelling. As David Ogilvy and George Orwell say below, poor language indicates poor thought. And poor thoughts must be seriously scrutinised, checked and if appropriate, discarded.
If terrific power is wielded and extravagant claims are made by loyalists, and are made with elementary spelling and grammatical errors, surely these are poor claims or at least questionable?
When terrific power and extravagant claims cause huge social, economic and reputational damage, those errors should be noted and noted very clearly. Because these errors tell us that these grand claims are in fact, ill thought out. That the arbitrary power has dubious and questionable motives.
George Orwell said in his famous essay Politics and the English Language here:
"[English] becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts. The point is that the process is reversible... If one gets rid of these habits one can think more clearly, and to think clearly is a necessary first step toward political regeneration: so that the fight against bad English is not frivolous and is not the exclusive concern of professional writers."
And as David Ogilvy said:
"People who think well, write well."
Orwell built on this when he said:
"If people cannot write well, they cannot think well, and if they cannot think well, others will do their thinking for them."
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| The spark that lit the flame. Original DUP/UUP Anti-Alliance leaflet |
Then all of a sudden, you've been prostituted and puppeteered. Just as the Goebellian pamphleteers did of impressionable loyalists. For if someone thinks for you, and you act on those instructions, we just have to look to the famous Ghandi quote:
'Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.'
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| Poster for ANOTHER protest on January 11th 2014 |
I say what we need is some sense, more thinking, due diligence, reason and rationality brought into the debate. We need loyalists to look at the basic facts. For example, the fact that more and more Catholics are comfortable with remaining within the Union. That the Union is safer than ever. The fact that unionists need to need the numerical rise of Catholics. That violence actually weakens the case for the Union, as Hugo MacNeill said here. That the world has changed, not ended. That violence and mayhem is exactly what Sinn Fein wants.
That those loyalist leaders who compare loyalists to Jews in Nazi Germany are misusing and abusing language, misusing and abusing history and misusing and abusing the emotions of, and in fact betraying, ordinary working class Protestants.
That those loyalist leaders who compare loyalists to Jews in Nazi Germany are misusing and abusing language, misusing and abusing history and misusing and abusing the emotions of, and in fact betraying, ordinary working class Protestants.
Lastly, when I say loyalists, I am not speaking of ordinary decent loyalists. I speak of the riotous and violent loyalist. It is not I who makes the sweeping generalisation, but those who seek to whitewash Loyalism and smear me in the process by saying that I'm unfairly grouping loyalists. It's they who make the generalisation. It's self-evident that I'm not talking about ordinary, decent working class Protestants; they neither make grand claims nor wield arbitrary power (as I stated above).
It's high time that people stop making excuses and apologising for sectarianism and criminality and start giving some actual answers, solutions and alternatives to the actual problems that really matter.
We were always told who the enemies of the Northern Ireland people were and everyone else was just viewed with suspicion ... ya know, the Ulster way
Well now it seems that everyone is the enemy. The Haass talks were well stalled by Unionist grand standing as they didn't want to appear too reasonable, even Sinn Fein were easier to work with and that was with Gerry Kelly.
Then I happened upon an article with UUP health spokesman Roy Beggs Jnr complaining about Edwin Poots not wanting to measure patient waiting times as they do in England. In fact it seems like Poots doesn't want Northern Ireland's NHS to look anything like the British model but rather one based on fear and ignorance.
What about yon Loyalists led by the DUP not supporting the Queen's wishes to fly her fleg when she wants to ... definitely not very British or remotely loyal.
The Orange Order have a history of traitorous acts against the crown and now with the latest Orange Order/Sinn Fein secret talks betraying those at the Twaddell death camp it is now all falling into place.
The DUP and the Orange Order have a symbiotic relationship relying on each other in order to survive and like it or not but Sinn Fein is also a part of that too, feeding off each other's hate and stupidity. How many of the DUP are Orangemen?
What has the Orange Order got to do with being British? .... nothing! thats what. No idiot parading going on in England every other week.
The DUP doesn't want Northern Ireland to be British, their words say one thing and their actions say another.
They are just trying to squeeze what they can from the EU all the while complaining about being in the EU, they use their Loyalist dopes as foot soldiers to be worked up at a moments notice cos I'm not seeing anyone important doing prison time for the fleg protests.
These people live in the past with a difficulty in accepting the future. We need integration not segregation. The real enemies of Ulster wear sashes and support segregation, they shake yer hand and tell you 'well done' all the while conspiring behind yer back with those they promised not to talk to.
If yer not a higher level Orangeman then yer just one of the mushrooms, those who are kept in the dark and fed on shit.
No need for anyone to surrender but there is a real need for people to wise up and to stop being used.
2013 has ended in
further embarrassment for Health Minister Edwin Poots after he was
voted Citizen Under Nationalist Threat of the year in an online poll
organised by Belfast satirical bloggers L.A.D.
The independent poll
attracted over 2,000 votes in a 24 hour period and Poots won with a
landslide 35% of the vote.
The final results were:
- Edwin Poots 35% (789)
- Willie Frazer 16% (365)
- Dissident Republicans 12% (263)
- Ruth Patterson 11% (240)
- David Vance 5% (115)
- Gregory Campbell 4% (86)
- 'Rab – The Dangerous Man' 1% (25)
“The results prove
that despite the ongoing controversy regarding flegs, parades and the
past, what matters most to the public are real issues,” a
spokesperson for the group said. “In 2014 we will focus more on
issues such as health, employment and primarily education; things
that affect people on a daily basis”.
2013 was a year in
which:
- A court ruled that Poots acted unlawfully over the failure to consider a senior trade unionist who had applied for a post on the Northern Ireland Social Care Council (NISCC).
- Belfast High Court ruled the minister had breached Stormont's ministerial code by failing to take the issue of gay men giving blood before the Executive.
- The UK Supreme Court rejected Poots' attempt to overturn a court ruling in favour of gay adoption.
- An online petition calling “on the Northern Ireland Assembly to seek the resignation of Edwin Poots, or for his removal from his post as Health Minister and thus bring to an end his disgraceful waste of public money in pursuit of a personal agenda” has so far attracted 12,265 signatures and will be handed over to the Assembly this month.
Mr. Poots was
unavailable for comment.
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| Poots to be presented with award by a 'representative' of LAD |
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| Poll Result - the poll closed at midnight on December 31st 2013 |
The first GUEST POST by our new regular contributor Am Ghobsmacht
I sometimes wonder if the Siege of Derry was the worst thing that ever happened to the Ulster Protestants.
The modern day Protestant wonder solution to everything (a WD40 for emergencies if you will) is to cry "no surrender", stubbornly dig his/her heels in and wait for the inevitable to happen.
Somehow though the inevitable didn't actually happen at Derry.
In fact, it all went the wrong way around:
They replaced an experienced and able commander (Lundy) with two not-so steely characters, Messrs Baker and Walker, who, just for the record, wanted to surrender the city too (never mentioned).
A relief force arrived from England, saw that it was a waste of time and after discussing the situation with Lundy buggered off to England again
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| Where the Jacobites went wrong: French siege engineer? |
On one hand, a great victory for the Ulster 'Protestants' but at the same time the start of a crippling legacy.
The solution to nearly every big obstacle since then has been the same; lock the gates and cry no surrender.
It was the case for keeping Ireland as part of the UK, they refused to countenance it as a mere dominion (and less British too?) state such as New Zealand, Canada or Australia.
Now the Queen's head can be found on coins from these three countries, but no longer for Ireland.
Not an inch lead to "well, quite a lot actually".
Roll on the civil rights campaign. No surrender. The awful attempts at stifling reform gave rise to the Provos and its chaotic campaign.
The Anglo-Irish Agreement: "No Surrender!". Maggie says "tough titty!", happens anyway.
Drumcree: "We will walk this road". They still haven't walked that road
Flegger-geddon: "Our flag will fly again, 365". So far, that seems as likely as Gordon Brown becoming a Las Vegas star entertainer.
Twaddell: "We will walk this road!". Yeah, sure.
So on and so forth. And now with the Haass pow-wow in town there are a whole range of goodies for Unionists to shout 'no surrender' at and wonder why everything has gone wrong:
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| Unionism: "Learns from its mistakes...." |
New Northern Ireland flag.
Advantages:
Removes all doubt regarding Northern Ireland's flag status
Gives Northern Irish sporting teams something (legitimate) to fly at events
Won't have the Loyalist connotations of the ulster flag
Will be more acceptable to potential Catholic unionists (or 'Catholics who vote for the status quo')
Will give Sinn Fein something to worry about (as in it could be a symptom of unionists catching themselves on. How scary!)
Disadvantages:
Will annoy fleggers
Is obviously part of a Sinn Fein plot to destabilise loyal Ulster and their objections are a cunning bluff, you fools...
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| New Northern Ireland Flag: Such a cunning republican plan that even republicans oppose it... (from 'New Flag for Northern Ireland's' Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/newniflag ) |
Designated Days Across Northern Ireland
Advantages:
Will stop unionists from looking like the knuckle-draggers in these talks
If successful will see the Union Flag flying where it hasn't flown for some time
Will bring the unionist councils in line with other British cities.
Disadvantages:
Will annoy fleggers
Being more like the rest of Britain will make us, erm, less British...?
Flying the Tricolour on state visits
Advantages:
We'll be like every other country than has the dignity and respect for other states
Disadvantages:
Will annoy fleggers
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| Respecting Flegs: One way street? |
Show some respect, decency, sobriety and common sense at controversial parades
Advantages:
Will rob 'residents groups' of their ammo
Will stop the parades from being so intimidating
Will stop them (the aggressive minority of bandsmen) from looking like aggressive dicks every summer
Will adhere better to the Orange Order's Christian principles
Disadvantages:
Will annoy fleggers
Is an obvious ploy by Sinn Fein. We don't know why as aggressive parades help their cause and makes them look like the good guys but it must be a Sinn Fein ploy....
And the usual candidates that even Haass won't touch:
Moving the regional stadium to a neutral area, flying a new NI flag and playing a NI anthem
Advantages
Expands the current potential for support from just Protestant unionists to other people who live in Northern Ireland (whoever they maybe?)
Might actually qualify for a competition instead of being a journeyman of FIFA
More people may have pride in Northern Ireland football team instead of just half the country.
Disadvantages:
Will annoy the fleggers and the more vocal OWC types (some of whom may be fleggers...)
An Irish Language Act
Advantages
If unionists agree to it whilst they have a negotiating position they have the chance to tailor it to their liking (whatever that may be) e.g. perhaps add more of a Scottish flavour to it? Make it conditional that Sinn Fein cease the use of Irish in their literature? Demand Tayto be printed in Irish? I dunno, but they can do something.
When it eventually does get passed they'll have no say...
Disadvantages
It'll annoy fleggers
It'll please the fenians.
Pleasing the fenians will annoy the fleggers even more...
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| WHAT. THE. BLUE. BLAZES?!?!?!?!?! |
Of course, the standard response from the 'leaders' of the Unionist camp is to say "no!" and expect to cling on with the whitest of knuckles until demographics forces their hand.
At which point they'll have no influence.
The unionist leadership seems absolutely oblivious to the fact that demographics is overtaking them.
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| King Cnut: Terrible orangeman... |
He decided to prove it to his followers and let the sea come in about his feet and throne whilst he ordered it back.
The are no King Cnuts in the upper echelons of Unionism.
They seemingly think the tide will just 'stop'.
Just when they should be at their most dynamic and determined in terms of reform and reshaping Northern Ireland to make it a more appealing place to ALL of NI's citizens they instead listen to those who have entrenched themselves.
From a Darwinian point of view this is asking to be taken out of existence.
Unfortunately, a number of unionist leaders don't believe in Darwinian theory and as such even fear the word 'evolve' let alone implement some sort of evolution.
This is all the more shocking given the military tradition of the Ulster-Anglos. The upper crust of Ulster Anglican society have produced an incredible amount of military talent.
The top 5 British generals of WWII were of Ulster stock (and there were more besides).
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| General Sir Alan Brooke Chief of Imperial General Staff Churchill's Top General One of the 'Fighting Brookes of Fermanagh' Saw 'the bigger picture' |
Not to mention officers like Blair 'Paddy' Mayne, soldier and hellraiser extraordinaire who was instrumental in the original SAS missions in North Africa.
The Ulster generals and officers were heavily involved in North Africa in WWII.
The front moved constantly, they didn't just pick a place, cry "no surrender!" and fight to the death and lose the ruddy war (well, maybe at Tobruk, but they did at least have the Royal Navy supplying them...).
No, they had to keep an eye on the bigger picture and accommodate it, regardless of how galling the short term moves may have been (e.g. withdrawing from parts of the front).
This shows that strategic vision isn't alien to the Ulster Unionist community but it has been severely lacking this past half century.
They have no 'end game' or refuse to believe that it will end.
Men like Alan-Brooke, Auchinleck, Dill, Montgomery, Alexander, Dorman-Smith* and Mayne saw an end game or at the very least adapted to the ever shifting circumstances of the war theatre.
They weren't stuck in 1688.
Alas, the same can't be said for their political successors. In a time where dynamics and change are required we instead see more walls, literally and metaphorically.
Nationalism and republicanism have time on their side, Unionism does not.
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| Governor Walker: A Lundy?! |
Having said that, Derry survived the siege, Northern Ireland on its current trajectory will not.
Thanks Pete...
* Interesting chap Eric Dorman-Smith/Dorman-O'Gawen.
A strategic visionary who was instrumental in the North African campaign.
He was also a Catholic Ulsterman and his disillusionment with the establishment led him to dabble with militant republicanism after the war.
For more info on him and Ulster's top military brass try this for size: http://www.amazon.com/Churchill-Irish-marshals-Patrick-Marrinan/dp/0948868023
Really, it's quite the eye-opener.
Brian, who has never met me and clearly knows little about me, has got it completely wrong. Loathe as I am to adopt a hipster tone, I was criticising Loyalists, and Jamie Bryson in particular before it was so fashionable and before Brian had probably even heard of Jamie Bryson. I stood for election against Jamie's party (and did very badly) so I'm not really sure that Brian's accusations of 'keeping quiet, saying nothing' are fair. What Brian doesn't appear to understand is that my objection isn't that LAD; Brian; and others criticise Loyalism - it's the way they criticise that I object to.
When the Flag Protests began last year I didn't hold back with my criticism, but was careful to make sure it was valid and based on the issues. I had countless online arguments with Jamie on his Facebook page (I'm not sure Jamie and I have ever agreed on anything) but I still felt perfectly safe when observing the protests and Jamie - and other Loyalists - were friendly and courteous. It's possible to be diametrically opposed to someone and their beliefs without dehumanising them in the way that LAD often does.
You can - rightly - take a Loyalist to task for claiming that their culture is under sustained attack, or for claiming that they are being treated like Jews in 1930's Germany. You can mock Jamie for his continued assertion that the PSNI are little more than agents of the IRA. You can highlight the disgusting hypocrisy and dishonesty of the DUP who had no problem with Designated Days until they sensed it offered them an electoral opportunity. What you can't do (at least, not if you want to claim you're not a snob) is attack the traits and behaviours of people that have no relevance to the issue. There's no shortage of references to Buckfast on the LAD Facebook page. I've yet to hear someone tell me why that particular drink is so relevant to the debate.
I have issues with LAD's parody of Loyalism as it does seem to be rooted in superiority - their parodies almost always focus on poor spelling and grammar and a lack of understanding of the realities of the situation - but I am more concerned with the way that their facebook fans join in the parody and, often, take it up a level. This isn't considered criticism - it's just out and out pisstaking and mockery. So, when I offer up my concern at such pisstaking, it's not - as Brian believes - my effort to shut down criticism, it's my effort to try and prompt real, thought out, and constructive criticism. More criticism, please, if you will.
Another aspect of Brian's post that concerns me is that Brian seems to believe that he is leading the charge of the moderates - those poor souls who have previously been so voiceless but now have found their voice and want to make it heard. Sorry to inform you, Brian, but there has been no shortage of opportunity for moderates to make their voices heard and their votes counted and they have consistently chosen not to. It's not out of fear: it's out of complacency. Since 1998 things have generally been going pretty well for the moderates and they've been quite complacent to live relatively peaceful, prosperous and unaffected lives.
Now though, things are different and the things that the moderates thought were resolved by the 'under the rug' approach have come back to upset the peace. Once again, moderates are starting to make some noise and demand this 'nonsense' is resolved. Lovely. I'm sure now we'll see massive and revolutionary (for NI, anyway) changes to social housing and education policy which will get to the root cause of these issues. Or maybe not. The fact that John O'Dowd and Edwin Poots, the two ministers responsible for education and housing aren't front and centre in this debate is telling. Where are the long term solutions? All I hear from Brian is 'wise up'. That would be nice, but I'm not sure it's really the basis for a policy. Brian needs to be careful that his march of the 'aggressive progressives' doesn't end up as just a group of people who don't really like another group of people. I don't hold out much hope though.
A commenter to Brian's last post made some excellent points about the use of language and it's use to either unite or divide people. I believe that we will make progress - real progress, not the kind Dr Haass is overseeing - when we unite our people to some common goals. I can't imagine anything less likely than wanting to unite with people who call me scum.
GUEST BLOG by Brian John Spencer
They make grand claims and wield arbitrary power over a moderate majority and you can do absolutely nothing about it. Nothing. You have to shut up and put up. Less you be a snob. Less you be seriously assaulted.
Upon this equation the progressive majority have long-time been silenced. They are the muzzled moderate. This is the worst kind of censorship: Self-censorship and prior-restraint. Silence is enforced by two means. First, by the charge of being a "snob". Second, by the use of fear and intimidation. Let's look at each in turn.
Firstly, being the "snob". This is the standard charge laid against myself and others who speak against the worst elements within loyalism. And it comes from two sources, liberals and loyalists.
You get it from liberals like Ed Simpson who err towards indulging and nurturing those who commit promiscuous violence. You can be accused of being snobbish, elitist or intolerant for simply saying criticising the most extreme within the working-classes.
History will surely judge this an abject failure. A failure on the part of liberals for their inability to stand by their principles and fight movements, which are sectarian, homophobic and racist. This “liberal formula” is an illiberal bar on free expression. This “liberal formula” is not a recipe for pluralism or multiculturalism. To the contrary, this formula is the exploitation of pluralism for use against this very concept. This is a victory for bigotry, the anti-plural and anti-multicultural.
Then you get it from loyalists like Jamie Bryson who want to whitewash their responsibility by smearing people like me as a "snob" and in one swipe render my view and my voice worthless. For as Newton Emerson said: "ever since the Good Friday Agreement, [snobbery] seems to be the only crime you can commit in Northern Ireland." Alex Massie spoke in equal terms here, that being offensive has become "the greatest sin imaginable."
Upon this first formula we must not hurt the feelings of the vandal. This is horrendous. This is what Christopher Hitchens calls "multicultural masochism". Upon this formula, the violent vandal has the whip-hand over the muzzled moderate, and you can say nothing.
Secondly, fear and intimidation as a means to shut out criticism and unwelcome views. The whole history of Northern Ireland has been of a very violent minority who racketeer, blackmail and extort the progressive moderate. By this equation, the whole history of Northern Ireland has been of the best leaving as social and economic emigrants, or staying and speaking out against deviants and feeling the heavy hand of intimidation and violent attack.
Think Edgar Graham. As Alex Kane said, "All we need to know, and remember, is that was killed because he was an enemy of all paramilitarism." Upon this second formula, the worst in society are beyond reproach. The best are hostage to news-talk and fear. This is abhorrent and a perversion.
What are we to do? Loyalists and other extremists are not beyond reproach. They do not hold a special privilege in society. There is no specialist branch of ethics known as loyalist exceptionalism. They have committed and continue to conduct unpardonable behaviour and must be held to account. For too long extremists have been long-nurtured, never checked. For too long we have bent the knee to madness for fear of being a “snob” and for fear of violence.
Having experienced the absolute absence of opportunity in Northern Ireland and felt the searing of indifference of politicians to that absence, I have made it my mission to speak boldly, openly and freely to call out hypocrisy, corruption and mismanagement wherever I see it. And this applies to loyalists and other extremists who hope, wish and intend to turn Northern Ireland into a bucket shop. I in turn hope, wish and intend their containment and call to account.
I want to utterly expose their absolute absence of ideas or alternatives. This means speaking plain English. It means calling a spade a spade. A violent vandal, a vandal. A racketeering gangster, a racketeering gangster. It also requires you to be provocative. As Peter Tatchell said, dismantling hidebound orthodoxies requires people to be contentious, disputatious, uncivil and even rude.
Change does not come by the moderate’s tradition of speech that is staid, dull and conformist and terrified of offending people. This is cowardly, shameful and masochistic. You cannot tolerate intolerant bigots and vandals. Those who play nicey-nice and stand indifferent are approvers, colluders and sustainers of delinquency (albeit tacit).
The muzzled moderate needs to become the unmuzzled-muscular-moderate. The aggressive progressive. They need to abandon their habit of neutered speech, cleansed of anything even slightly contentious, colourful or offensive. As Tom Hickey said here, the young and the moderates need to adopt the skills of contestation. As The Quilliam Foundation said in their policy document here, the moderate needs to adopt the doctrine of ‘civil intolerance’.
“Ideas and ideologies that sow division, bigotry and hatred such as those that may eventually lead to terrorism should not and cannot be left unchallenged in our society. Here, a doctrine of ‘civil intolerance’ is encouraged.”I’m on board with civil intolerance and contestation. I ask: are you with me?
You may have heard about the golf shop in Belfast city centre that yon big middle aged fat bloke tried to set on fire with his handy dandy firebomb. He kinda messed it up and set fire to himself before he bravely ran away like a human shooting star screaming "mammy mammy."
Well it turns out he is a well toasted member of that dissident group that no one can say the name of, ya know, the Eggnog Na Heron ah fuck it I'll just stick to the Scots Gaelic version of it Oogly Na Boogly .
They have released a statement saying how golf is the game of elitist, imperialist, British oppressors who dress funny and play a round with the boys and it's sooo boring. Rory McIlroy should take note, it's all on him. He should play for Ireland instead of living in America, making loads of money and shagging hot chicks .... whats that about?
They went on to say:
Other elitist games such as tennis and cricket are also legitimate targets and should beware, we are not afraid to fuck up your carpets in our struggle to gain name recognition ..... oh and a united Ireland, I nearly forgot that one.
For the life of me I could never work out how killing yer own people could possibly achieve a united Ireland. Much like how rioting and being total pricks could never get yer fleg back, it will only get you mocked.
Old Knudsen did a little investigating and it turns out that the Oogly Na Boogly are getting money and experienced advice from terrorist sympathisers on the east coast of America.
A popular American terrorist trick is to fill a paper bag with dog shit, place it on the porch of yer target's hoose, set the bag on fire, ring the door bell and run. When the target answers the door and sees the flames they go to stamp it out thus setting off a foot plus dog shit chain reaction.
The money for the lighter fluid and the paper bag came through ok but the phone line was a bad connection.
Instead what the Oogly Na Boogly did was get a shit head and put a paper bag on his head and told him to set fire to it in a golf shop . Dissidents are not very intelligent people, a life on welfare or a job in politics are the only real life options open for them .... no wonder they are so angry.
The people of Northern Ireland have a don't give a fuck attitude, we have the strength and courage of warrior poets of old and probably some Buckfast flowing in our veins, if we plan to go shopping or to go partying, the threat of a bomb or some fat bloke setting himself on fire will not deter us.
The Troubles did not break us, sure it made us paranoid, suspicious of all and incapable of love but it did not break us, nor will the fuck witted Fleggers or the pathetic Oogly Na Boogly.
"Fear is for the weak, don't waste my time" ~ Old Knudsen
Dear LAD,
I'm Northern Irish, I'm Irish, and I'm British, (Scoff at this if you will). I grew up in "Bandit Country", but I let myself arrive at my own conclusions with regards to politics. I arrived at the moderate “side”, wanting Northern Ireland to function as a normal place, however, the 15 years since the GFA have deepened my dissatisfaction. Sinn Féin and their “Don’t worry, eventually there will be a United Ireland stance”, The DUP and UUP (Can they be classed as separate political entities anymore?) with their staling rhetoric, homophobic, racist, and boldly sectarian outbursts have made me lose hope somewhat. It disappoints me to see a deep, trench-like divide in politics, instead of working for the good of NI, (or so they will claim) they frequently only seem to think of their votes, not voters or constituents, but votes.
Simply put, they cannot agree on anything. They cannot agree on a bridge. On a flag. On economic support for the less fortunate among us. On integration of education. On dealing with the past. The list goes on.
Where is the next generation in all this? Where are their voices? They struggle to make themselves heard over chants of TIOFAIDH ÁR LÁ! And NO SURRENDER!
Inspiring young people like Hanna Nelson, who said in her speech upstaging Barack Obama, “As a 16 year old I don’t want to live in the past, I want to live for the past. I want to live in a country where it is not my religion that is important but my value as a person which is significant”; have their bold, impassioned and exciting sentiments praised by politicos like Peter Robinson, only to have them utterly forgotten about and ignored the next day by those same people.
Some vain hope is laid on the shoulders of the Alliance party, the SDLP, and new parties such as NI21. NI21 is an excellent example of how attitudes can change, perhaps more can in the future, but for now, these parties strain to project their ideas, or, indeed, take action. They remain as silent as the majority they represent. Again, heartbreaking for those among us who just want peace.
It seems to be a boorish and disgraceful cycle of bombs, bullets, rhetoric and incompetent leadership.
Can it change? Yes. Everything can be changed, if we try hard. If young people speak out, against the deadly cycle, and the sectarianism, break down barriers, and re-think our mentality. Only then, will we truly see change, and truly see human respect for everyone. I will not lower myself to saying “sides” as it makes me cringe.
Where are the silent majority? We want to hear you!
Yours sincerely,
A disheartened 15 year old.
Over the past year we have witnessed are British culture being chipped away and the proud Loyalist people of Ulster being prevented from displaying their heritage based on drink, flegs and oppressing Catholics.
Years from now, historians will see the connections that many 'tap' Loyalists already see with the way the Protestant community has been treated to how the Jews in 1930's Germany were treated.
Genocide I tell ya ..... well someone on the telly said it was genocide so it must be true, don't question just repeat it..... Thats are way.
How can you explain the 8,500+ protesters who weren't at the recent 30th November parade when 10,000 were expected?
Ach who to believe in all this he said she said business? Sure you could believe yer eyes when yer stuck in traffic on a cold dark night with with a group of drunken Spides holding flegs blocking yer way but that would be too easy.
After reading that the Protestant Coalition and former fleg activist Jamie Bryson had offered to meet with the faceless thugs of 'LAD' but got no response, Old Knudsen wondered, what are they trying to hide?
I went deep undercover and soon all the secrets of LAD were at my feet. Instead of just asking for money for some alleged tuck shap for prisoners, LAD gets you to send them money and in return they send you back high quality merchandise like t-shirts and mugs ..... Aye, yer a mug if you fall for that, sounds like something those traders of Belfast would do.
I met with LAD and it's flunkies at their secret headquarters on the Upper Malone road, we sat around drinking tae and re-enacting Monty Python sketches.
It was clear that Old Knudsen was their bit of rough, only to be tolerated as long as he amused. When they started sacrificing chickens to Satan, Old Knudsen had to go .... a strange lot.
How can anyone agree with LAD's wish for the people of Northern Ireland to live in peace with equality for all as long as it didn't involve the oppression of others? What a crazy fucked up idea.
Respect, dignity and integrity .... we don't do none of that here!
Humiliating the
No, hold on a minute I'm lost, damn this Flegger brand glue! I shall now expose LAD as many others have failed to do.
LAD is yer Ma! and she has a glass eye with a goldfish swimming in it.
Anonymous has the last word here:
"Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others."
Swine-y Todd
Yesterday a blog was posted by a "Dublin musician" called Frankie Regan, explaining how he was so shocked by the sectarianism and bigotry on display on the LAD page, that he was moved to approach the distributor of our Christmas charity single and request its removal.
Take it away, Frankie...
So far, so funky. He's just a typical musician who jams with his friends before checking out chart positions of his other muso friends. Groovy.
LAD have a confession to make: We found it very hard to believe that anybody under the age of 55 would write such a toe-curling, embarrassing opening paragraph. Still, maybe the Dublin music scene is full of 25 year old hipsters who like to act like they're middle-aged advertising execs with no idea how to write something that sounds vaguely human.
On we pressed...
Like he said, he's a singer/songwriter from Dublin. He really thought we in the "Grim North" had moved on, but like he says, he has few friends from here.
So incensed was young Funkmeister Frankie by the deeply offensive and sectarian nature of the lyrics in 'Last December' he decided to dig deeper...
Still no mention of the fact that this was a charity single, with 100% of the proceeds going towards those in need. Regardless, our brave singer/songwriting hero from Dublin decided to press on, for the benefit of all the other musicians whom he hangs with, laying down phat tunes and recording them on their iPad minis, just like in the advert...
There then follows an IRC chat with the distributors that he prints in full (yeah, we read it so that you don't have to). The result was this email and a triumphant sign off by people's champion, Frankie Regan...
Note the emphasis that this was not a loyalist campaign, but a fightback by the public, presumably both north and south of the border, who are sick of LAD's behaviour and charitable endeavours. We particularly loved the Sláinte sign off (complete with missing fada). Cos that's what they do south of the border to avoid being mistaken for those dorty nordies you know.
And now, the truth.
You may have guessed this already, but we're not convinced that this horseshit was written by a young Dublin singer/songwriter, principally because most of the images belong to someone called David Todd. This piqued our interest, as a man of the same name had recently posted comments on Facebook and Twitter about our page, and specifically our charity single. This David Todd is not a singer/songwriter from Dublin, in fact he's a middle-aged man who lives only 160 miles from Dublin, near Coleraine.
How do we know this? Cos "Frankie" left little clues sprinkled all round his piece. And thanks to some eagle-eyed friends of LAD, we were able to piece together the evidence.
His Amazon screenshot for example, has his first name helpfully still in the frame, along the top of the page...
He also uses identical screenshots to the ones he uses on the LAD Exposed page (by the way lads, still waiting for the exposure)...
And in case there was any doubt, we were able to uncover the creator of the screenshot of the record company's email. Thankfully Davy likes high quality images that retain the "artist" data...
So who is he?
Funnily enough old Dave was emailing us last weekend a tad miffed that he thought we had removed some of his no-doubt fascinating and insightful musings from the LAD page.
He forgot 'false witness', but maybe he ran out of room. He also seems to be pretty keen on taking pictures of the bawnds. This is from his Flickr account...
And here's his opinion on Covenant Day...
So he's definitely not a loyalist then. We have one question: how did Frankie Regan end up with a load of David Todd's images in his blog?
Well, we're pretty certain Frankie doesn't exist, but we'll leave it at that and consider the matter closed.
Sláinte,
LAD
Born out of lawlessness and thuggery, raised on frustration and stupidity, LAD has had a bumpy first year, filled with many ups and downs. There have been many pointless spats and arguments over the last 12 months, and on reflection, LADmins were mindful of the George Carlin quote,
"Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."
With those words in mind and having read a recent blog on Slugger O'Toole by Alan in Belfast (and associated comments) LAD realise that too much time is being wasted getting bogged down among the idiots while the bigger picture is being overlooked. We're grateful to Alan for writing such a balanced piece and also for providing us with something of an epiphany. In becoming embroiled with meaningless gibberish, LAD has been dragged off piste, forgetting how to have fun in the process.
LAD plan to change that!
Thousands of LADs are now involved, directly or indirectly via social media and it is this involvement that helps make LAD so successful. We fully intend to continue providing an environment in which the normal, embarrassed majority can use wit, humour, and intelligence to face down the lunatic fringes from both sides of the divide, however, no more will we engage in petty or insidious arguments and to that end, we will be having something of a cull to remove those insignificant individuals who seek purely to annoy in the hope of gaining publicity and who persistently aim to cause friction. In short, we're going to have fun again!
So, if you find yourself still able to access our Twitter in half an hour, congratulations, we consider you a worthwhile member of the community. For those of who do get blocked, we say "so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu."