Bryson - The Interview

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Imagine how surprised and indeed honoured the tireless volunteers at L.A.D. headquarters were when we received an invitation for one of us to attend an audience with loyalism's premier author, philosopher, strategist and media darling, Jamie Bryson!  Admittedly, it was not a direct invite, but issued via the secretary of the Donaghadee Playschool who are, we're told, handling Bryson's PR.

 Undaunted, and filled with pride, L.A.D. held a draw to see who would be the one lucky enough to meet with the great Bryson himself.  After much bickering, a little fisticuffs and some thinly veiled threats, big Ramsden 'Brick' Johnston was selected as our roving reporter and this is his interview with the man hissel.
Somewhere with caravans
I arrive at the holiday village just north of Donaghadee and I'm shown to an unremarkable mobile home by a spotty young lad with a nervous look.  After giving a convoluted knock on the door of the caravan, the door is opened and I'm met by a boy with bony features, a mess of blonde hair and the look of divvilment in his eyes.  Thus begins my audience with Jamie Bryson, King Fleg himself.  Once inside, Bryson returns to sit cross-legged among a pile of brightly coloured plastic toys strewn in one corner.  A burly looking fella sits silently on a stool in the corner behind me.

RJ: So, Jamie, I have to say that I'm delighted for to get the chance to speak to you.
Bryson appears engrossed with some Duplo bricks at this point but the burly fella grunts something unintelligible from the corner and Bryson stops playing and looks at me.
JB: Eh?  Whadidyousay?
Bryson comfortable in his home from home
RJ: It's great to meet you wee lad.
JB: Oh aye, well, you know I'm very familiar with the work of L.A.D. and I like the way you make loyalism look like the future for the United Kingdom of Northern Ireland and Great Britain.  I've stole some of your jokes too.  Hope you don't mind?

RJ: Err, no Jamie.  Knock yersel out there.  If you don't mind me asking, what's with all the toys?  Thought you would be a bit, you know... beyond that sort of thing.
JB: Ah these (Bryson swings his arm across the spread of toys)?  No, not toys you know.  They're ideas.  All colour coded ideas.  The red ones represent fleg ideas.  The blue ones are Pradesan civil rights ideas. The yellow ones are for marching and flutes and the red ones are for flegs.  Not sure what the other colours are called but.

RJ: That's green, that's whi... oh forget it.  You said red twice there.
JB: Did I?  Right.  Then the second lot represent political ideas like voting and Stormount and voting and stuff.

RJ: That's what I thought.  So you see yourself as a leader of loyalists.  What do you think qualifies you as such over like, say...  Winkie Irvine or Willie Frazer?
JB: Ehhhh, not sure who that first lad is but Willie Frazer is a great pal of mine and he's easy led.  I can pretty much get him to do all the stupid stuff while I concentrate on the important work of leading the Pradisan people to Stormount.  You see, I've writ a book or two and I know what I'm talking about when it comes to my direct line to God and being in touch with civil rights.  Plus I'm the only one with politics experience, having standed for election in 2011 and I even got 167 votes and that eh.  See I was born in 1990 leek and I missed all the shit, can I say shit, so I want to get a flavour of what the shit was all about even though that all them posh folk with jabs and that don't want any more shit.

RJ: I can see why you're such an inspiration to loyal Pradisans of the union, such as myself and the other volunteers of L.A.D.  Have you ever thought about running a chip shap?
JB: Is that like having a career like a politician?

RJ: Aye, pretty much the same thing to be honest.  What about this hunger strike thing?  Anything you'd like to set straight with fellow L.A.D.?  I mean there's a lot of differing stories about this.
JB: Stop right there.  Let me tell you this.  I was on a hunger strike and no doubt about it!  My normal diet consists of coco pops for breakfast, a Kinder Bueno for play time along with a bag of Tayto, spaghetti hoops and toast for lunch washed down with some chacklet milk, mebbys a couple of packets of wine gums in the afternoon then maw makes me whatever I fancy for my tea.  Usually fish fingers, chips and beans because that's my favourite like.  If I'm good and finish it all, I get a bowl of ice cream with sprinkles.  I like to end the day with a couple of jammie dodgers and a glass of nice cold milk before bed.
Now, I have a very high metabolism like a mouse see, which means I have to eat lots or I freeze to death, even in summer and that.  That means missing more than two meals for me is a hunger strike.  5 hours is a hunger strike.  It was a close thing for me.  The screws knew I didn't like curry so they deliberately made sure that was the only thing available because they're bastards and were trying to make me look stupid.

RJ: Glad you could clear that up for us all.  That makes us all the more proud of your achievements then.  What do you plan next, given your bail conditions?
JB: I was thinking of running a mobile disco or something leek.  One of the guys in prison says there's load of money to be made and you don't even need a big record collection.  Had tae look up what records are and that because they don't make them anymore do they.
Either that or something where I can stay out of the public eye.  I'm a bit fed up of all the publicity I've been getting lately.

RJ: So no firm plans then Jamie.  How about your prolific use of social media, do you think people take you seriously?
JB: To be honest Ramsden, I couldn't give a shit, they're all just #keyboardwarriors.  At the end of the day, they can say whatever they want but they're still just #keyboardwarriors and we'll see who is talking the sense come election time.  I predict landslide victories across the province of Northern Ireland and Great Britain and ye's will see I was right all along and that the Pradisan loyalist unionist people really are God's people and we will create a state of Ulster for Ulster people and Pradisans and loyalists and that.

RJ: I see ye've been blabbering on about horses a lot on the aul twitter and thon.  Are you planning on marrying one yerself and just testing the water or something?  I don't get it. The L.A.D. don't get it.  We need an explanation Jamie.
JB: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.  This horse is all mine.
Jamie advocates cross-species love. I think
RJ: Clear something up for me here Jamie.  What exactly is it that we're meant to want?
JB: What?  Who wants?  I want some sweeties.

RJ: Not sure I fo...
JB: SWEETIES!  I want sweeties!  Gimme gimme gimme sweeties!
(at this point Bryson becomes agitated and incoherent so I decide it's best to leave)

Well fellow L.A.D., there you have it.  I'm not sure what we can take from that interview.  

Is anything any clearer?  We fear not.  There is only one solution.
Camp Twaddell must go on!  NO SURRENDER
 

(For legal reasons we should point out this is an imaginary interview, much like Bryson's sense of importance or relevance)
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Reap what you sow

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Lets get one thing straight.

Death threats are bad. In fact any form of threat is bad.

Today ex-BNP man Jim (Dodgy) Dowson's so-called Protestant Coalition claim to have been the victim of a phoned in 'death threat'.

Now the Protestant Coalition have been guilty of a huge amount of shit-stirring in the past few months but how has this now escalated to such an extent?

Could it perhaps be something to do with the fact last night the Protestant Coalition, fronted at the moment by uber-Prod bucketmouth Sam McCrory posted photographs of various people from 'the other side' on their vile Facebook page.

Many of these photographs were removed after complaints but a great many survive, hidden on their timeline.

Worryingly the photographs included a great number of minors and were captioned in the usual sectarian manner.

This has stirred up a great deal of anger on some nationalist sites who have (quite reasonably) suggested that people report these images to Facebook.

As stated from the outset any sort of threatening behaviour, verbal or otherwise, is to be condemned.

We hope that the PSNI, who have come under numerous attacks from the Protestant Coalition leadership and their followers will not only investigate the threat but also the cause of of the threats.

Somehow we don't think the authorities will be too sympathetic to their cause.










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Orange Aid is here: Give us your fucken money!

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Support the starving peaceful civil wrights protesters at Twaddell.

Time is running out for them.


Thankfully Mervyn Gibson arranged emergency relief:

Orange Order head of crisps and Buckfast Mervyn Gibson

And Tayto have rushed out a brand new flavour:

Tayto Bitter Orange flavour
Save these poor souls.

Big Jim (Dodgy) Dowson is ready and willing with his bucket.


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You Are Invited to... The Present

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The doors to the 21st century are wide open.  They've been open for over a decade now and it seems loyalism is yet to step over the threshold.  There's no entrance fee, no guest list, all are welcome.  The only chipping happening in this brave new world is of the potato variety.


Loyalism has become so entranced with the falsehoods propagated by unionist politicians, fiction is mistaken for fact and worse, the loyalist definition of what it is to be British, has become something completely unrecognisable to those elsewhere in the UK who would consider themselves such.  While this is happening across Northern Ireland (or the North if you so prefer) it is specifically focused on parts of Belfast where loyalist communities are convinced everyone is out to get them.


Loyalism lurches along, pieces falling off as it goes, ever more delusional, ever more directionless and most importantly, ever more isolated.  This has to change.


One thing that has been missing up to this point, is a definition of what being British actually is.  It's probably easier to define what being British isn't.  It isn't flying a flag.  It isn't singing God Save the Queen.  It isn't marching.  It isn't a uniform.  It most definitely isn't having a riot and above all, it isn't something that can be chipped away.  Loyalists need reassurance that being British is something which cannot be taken from them, in the same way as those who live here and deem themselves to be Irish, cannot be denied their identity.

Then there's culture.  How is loyalist culture defined?  To those on the outside looking in, it's flegs, bonfires, marching and some more flegs and a bit of rioting.  What do loyalists consider as culture though?  Anytime we see a loyalist asked in the media, it's in relation to some emotive issue and we don't tend to hear a reasoned response.
Jamie Bryson - deluded
Culture and nationality are two different things.  The problem is that loyalists use the terms 'British' and 'culture' interchangeably, which adds to the overall confusion.
While so-called 'community workers' persist in telling us all that there is growing anger and frustration within loyalist communities, they seem to make no attempt to address this.  These 'community workers' explain rioting away with the same throw away words and seem happy that restrictions on a tiny percentage of marches, or the flying a single flag on designated days can be described as an erosion of Britishness.

Sam McCrory Protestant Coalition Chairman and 'Community Worker' with 'volunteer'
Loyalists have been sold a strange vision created by a hard-core of wannabe non-celebrities such as Jamie Bryson, Willie Frazer and the Protestant Coalition (in the case of the Protestant Coalition, borderline mad, given the type of material they post.  The Protestant Coalition facebook page shares more in common with the myriad of internet hate pages than with any "anti-politics, politics party").  None hold any mandate and all believe that their desires for a minority take precedent over the majority.

Willie Frazer. Down with everything.

Willie Frazer. Missing Marbles?
Loyalists need to realise that they cannot cling to the past and a society that was so unevenly balanced as to be unsustainable.  More moderate unionism, while perhaps not accepting the change wholesale, is moving in the right direction.  Most importantly, loyalists need to realise that nobody wants to prevent them from marching, having bonfires or whatever.  It just needs to be done in a way that accepts unionist dominance is gone and takes consideration of the fact that not everyone wants to celebrate loyalist culture.

Basil McCrea, NI21. The future's bright, the future's teal?
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Orange Aid is coming

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We have organised a series of fund raising events for the peaceful protesters at the Twaddell Avenue "Civil Rights" Camp.

Already the press coverage has been tremendous and our mascot Prodsey Bear has been turning up everywhere.

Watch this space for further developments.

LAD Orange Aid Brethren in Need
Prodsey Bear at Twaddell
Prodsey Bear with the Protestant Coalition
Jonathan  Bell-End, Prodsey Bear, Ronseal Ruth Patterson and Minister for Disasters Edwin Poots
Prodsey Bear in The Belfast Newsletter
Orange Aid Concert Line-up revealed
Charity single coming soon - watch this space



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From the Desk of Hawf Nelson

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I haven't seen any glaring errors in the Irish News as yet. This may change but you will be the first to know.
As a respectable and forward-thinking Meenister, committed to furthering our society through positive political dialogue, progressive legislation and inclusive policies, I am all too aware of the concepts of tolerance, diplomacy and respect. This applies to all aspects of public life, as members of the loyal and glorious Semblie can attest to (even Jim Allister).
Popular moderate
In the instant age of social media, it's important to exert a level of control on posts, tweets, and such. All DUP representatives attend a mandatory 15 minute media training course to ensure we don't say things we may regret at a later time and, with the exception of Gregory Campbell obsessing over Celtic football fans in Scotland, the training has proved most effective.
It is sad to see that other parties don't place the same emphasis on such matters. Take UKIP for example, a party seemingly intent on self destruction, aided by selecting candidates who often demonstrate attitudes which, although acceptable during the times of the British Raj, certainly have no place in the 21st century.
While UKIP has no elected MLAs in the loyal glorious province ó Oólstúr (remember, nobody voted David McNasty in on a UKIP ticket) they do have a single councillor in the shape of Henry Reilly and with almost 300 members, this puts them just behind the DUP in the popularity stakes. I've been trying to convince Glorious Leader Pete that the DUP should re-band with similarly lurid colours and an old shop logo, in an effort to revitalise the party. Since UKIP have already taken Poundstretcher, I thought What Everyone Wants would make a suitable alternative.
The party recently announced Henry Reilly is to stand as their candidate for next year's European elections. This would seem to indicate that the UKIP/TUV pact proposed by the deputy party leader, Paul Nuttall, has been abandoned. Perhaps Jim Allister was not impressed with Reilly's credentials though I can't imagine why. He seems like the consummate statesman as the following tweet illustrates.
Subtle irony is so last year
This follows on from a Facebook comment in response to well known pizza delivery boy, Jamie Bryson, in which Bryson was somewhat uncomplimentary about NI21 and remarked that AK47 was a more apt name. Henry, in a pre-election PR offensive, appears to have latched on to this amusing acronym and in a single tweet... Well, draw your own conclusion. Just remember what I said about the thick skin.
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Post linking Omagh bomb to Catholic feast day is ‘despicable’ says victim

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The Ulster Herald has picked up on our earlier blog which highlighted the Protestant Coalition's despicable Facebook post concerning the Omagh bombing.

Ulster Herald - Protestant Coalition
The full text of the article reads: 

Post linking Omagh bomb to Catholic feast day is ‘despicable’ says victim

A FACEBOOK post by the Protestant Coalition linking the Omagh bomb to a Catholic feast day has been described as “despicable” by a man who lost his wife in the Real IRA atrocity.

Last Thursday, the 15th anniversary of the Omagh bomb, a post on the loyalist political party’s Facebook page featured an image of the carnage left in wake of the bomb, and stated that August 15 was also one of the main days in the Roman Catholic calendar – The Feast of the Assumption.

It stated, “Celebrated every year on August 15, the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary commemorates the death of Mary and her bodily assumption into Heaven!!!!! Many RC atrocities world-wide occur on this day…”

The post concluded by asking Facebook users to “Share the truth folks!”

Kevin Skelton, who lost his wife Philomena in the 1998 attack said the message was in “very bad taste”.
“I don’t know what they are trying to prove by it. It doesn’t represent the vast majority of people out there, there’s no question. Thank god they are a minority.”

INVESTIGATE

The Protestant Coalition, which features Willie Frazer among its founding members, styles itself as an “anti-politics”, loyalist political party.

On Friday Mr Frazer appeared to distance himself from the post, which was removed from Facebook the same day, stating that he had been unaware of it and did not understand why the bombing and the religious feast day were being linked.

“We shouldn’t be doing that, that’s my own personal feeling,” he said, stating that the party would investigate the matter.

“That is not the road we want to go down, this is not about Catholic and Protestant. And although we call ourselves the Protestant Coalition, that’s doesn’t mean we have a problem with people who are Roman Catholic.”

The Protestant Coalition page was temporarily taken down by Facebook last month, prompting Mr Frazer to visit the company’s Dublin headquarters in protest.

‘CATHOLIC TERROR GANG’

The organisation originally named Jim Dowson of the far right Britain First organisation and former BNP fundraiser as its leader when it registered as a political party in April.

On Friday Mr Dowson said that while he personally did not like the post, he maintained that the Omagh bombing had been carried out by “a Catholic terror gang”.

He also claimed that “a lot of atrocities” had been carried out on August 15 over the centuries, but declined to name any specific incidents.

“The people who done (sic) it were a Catholic terror gang, they weren’t an Islamic terror gang, they weren’t a Jewish terror gang, they weren’t a Protestant terror gang,” he said.

“Have you ever heard of a Muslim Irish Republican terror gang? The fact is Irish Republicans are Roman Catholic, that’s the reality, it’s not our fault, it’s a reality, face it,” he stated.

Originally from Scotland, Mr Dowson now lives in Comber, Co Down where his use of the Internet is restricted while he awaits trial on charges arising out of the union flag dispute.

“The minute you try and point out the reality that the republican movement was also a Roman Catholic populated movement, there’s a problem,” he claimed.

But Kevin Skelton, who runs the ‘Families Moving On’ victims support group in Omagh said, “Bringing religion in where Omagh is concerned is despicable, that’s being honest about it.

“They are not being very sensitive and they are not doing anything for victims as far as I’m concerned,” he continued.

“It brings sectarianism into it, but the bomb in Omagh didn’t discriminate. It didn’t care who you were.”

The article claims the post has been removed - it hasn't - it has merely been hidden from the page




Post linking Omagh bomb to Catholic feast day is ‘despicable’ says victim - See more at: http://ulsterherald.com/2013/08/20/post-linking-omagh-bomb-to-catholic-feast-day-is-despicable-says-victim/#sthash.0fuOQfTh.dpuf
Post linking Omagh bomb to Catholic feast day is ‘despicable’ says victim - See more at: http://ulsterherald.com/2013/08/20/post-linking-omagh-bomb-to-catholic-feast-day-is-despicable-says-victim/#sthash.0fuOQfTh.dpuf
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Should we ignore blatant sectarianism and hate speech on Facebook?

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Last night we shared the so-called Protestant Coalition's latest attempt to ramp up sectarian tension via hate-speak on  their vile Facebook page.

Protestant Coalition - Hate speech
There is a train of thought that says that we should not pay these vile sectarian bigoted C.U.N.T.s (that's Citizens Under Nationalist Threat to the uninitiated) any attention and just let them wallow in their cesspool of hatred.

However the reaction to their original post and their subsequent equally disgusting replies to perfectly legitimate comments would suggest otherwise.

To remind people; these fuckers were set up and funded by Scottish windbag shit-stirrer ex-BNP man Jim Jim Dowson and are fronted by the questionably sane Wee Willie Frazer. This week their 'chairman' uber-loyalist bucket mouth Sam McCrory said attacking the police was just fine and dandy. McCrory called the perpetrators "unprovoked, innocent and decent". To date no action has been taken by the PSNI to the best of our knowledge.



Last week they promoted and orchestrated the violence that caused millions of pounds worth of damage to Belfast and resulted in many casualties within the ranks of the PSNI. They even had the gall to post a video on You Tube 'celebrating' their 'victory'. We were so incensed we had to subtly alter it:

So to ignore or to highlight this blatant sectarianism and shit stirring?

We, as always, choose the latter. We cannot and will not allow this sort of evil to go un-noticed and many agree with us.

Many took to Facebook to post comments on the Protestant Coalition's Facebook page. The replies from the admin are almost as bad as the original post:


















So far members of the SDLP, Alliance Party and NI21 have taken to Twitter to condemn this but again so far no action has been taken.

We await further developments.
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Exploiting the tragedy of Omagh

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How low can the so-called Protestant Coalition sink?

Today on the anniversary of the Omagh bombing which took the lives of 31 innocent people and was perpertrated by cowardly terrorist scumbags, this vile group funded by Scottish ex-BNP rentamouth shit stirrer Jim Dowson and fronted by terminal nutjob Willie Frazer chose to put the following on their vile Facebook page.

The Protestant Coalition - Vile bastards


The text reads:

"Anniversary of the Omagh bombing today .

The day is also one of the main days in the RC calendar: The Feast of the Assumption of Mary:

Celebrated every year on August 15, the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary commemorates the death of Mary and her bodily assumption into Heaven!!!!! Many RC atrocities worldwide occur on this day.

On the 15th of August 1998 a car bomb exploded in Market Street Omagh, killing 31 (inc 2 unborn babies) and injuring approx. 220 people. Let us never forget the people affected by this travesty (sic), and let this dark event from Omagh's past serve as a reminder that the republican murder machine is still up and running!
Victims of the Omagh bomb.. forever in our hearts.

SHARE THE TRUTH FOLKS!!"

What are these 'RC' atrocities to which they refer? The use of 'RC' is of course the Protestant Coalition's way of getting around Facebook's rules regarding hate speech.

Let there be no doubt, these cunts represent the worst of what Northern Ireland has to offer.

They are an affront to the vast majority of decent law-abiding Protestants in Northern Ireland.

The Protestant Coalition are affiliated to the right-wing 'Britain First' group also funded by Dowson. We assume that quite a few of their supporters are from a 'RC' background.

Exploiting the deaths of 31 people to gain likes and shares is utterly despicable. Linking the atrocity to one particular religious grouping takes this to a whole new level.

It is time that all decent people in Northern Ireland, Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Martian, Nationalist, Loyalist, Unionist, Green, whatever, spoke out against these people.

Dowson and co. are a cancer on our society.

It's time their hate crimes were brought to an end. 

UPDATE:

Since this original post, people have been commenting on the PC's Facebook page. No doubt, as is usual, these comments will be removed by their admins. NOT ONE positive comment has been posted.

We have preserved the comments posted so far for posterity:







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